Heartbreak

She lays in bed, warm and swaddled in her sheets. She watches the shadows playing with the grayish blue light cast from her muted television. She considered all that was said and all that could never be said from this day forward, for who would listen now?

The last thought caught her in the back of her throat and and she inhaled deeply to attempt to remove the strangled sensation to which she had succumbed, she felt the first of several burning streams of tears burst from overflowing in her eye sockets.




She had been in this moment before, it was one she wished to never visit again. She had thought she was smart about it this time but alas, she was blind-sighted again. How could you be so foolish, you stupid, stupid girl.


This forced the tearing sensation even more, almost to an unbearable point, she turned over her right shoulder onto her stomach and buried her face into the pillow, letting the linens absorb her sad moisture. Why?


I hate being unglued, not like this, anything but this...


It had occurred to her several months before that she simply was not cut out for loving another person. She felt her heart lacked the necessary stamina to not fall for someone too quickly and even more so to let them go when it would all inevitably come to an end. She didn't know how to shield herself from the blow that she could, clear as daylight, see coming towards her, as if she were standing on some train tracks and a locomotive without breaks came speeding towards her, ready to break each and every bone her body possessed.

Of course when the train did hit, much to her dismay, she would shatter, and as she attempted to pick up the pieces of her self, she knew invariably that the sweet someone she had fallen for would have taken a few pieces on their way out. Even if she didn't see the pieces they took, she felt their absence. She always new she picked up less that what she had originally dropped.

It was then she would descend into one of her dark moods and succumb to the need for becoming a hermit. In this state she would remain for several months....

After finally renewing her self confidence and self worth and continuing to rebuild and paste herself back together, someone else would come and the process would repeat itself.

This time, she vowed, was the last and final straw.

As she turned back over onto her back, she opened up her red, irritated tear-logged eyes, and blinked away as many tears as she could muster. She, then, proceeded to close them ever so tight, balled up her fists, and started to conjure up a specific image in her mind.

In this image, she saw herself bring her hands to her sternum, and open up her chest as if it had a zipper. She then reached into the opening, and pulled out her heart, still beating in her hands. She then saw a cupboard on a nearby glass surfaced table. She placed her heart inside it, locked it, and then proceeded to walk outside with it. She walked up a dark hill covered in grass, over to the opposite side. There was a cliff, she walked to the end of it, glanced over her shoulder toward the path she just walked. Who she hoped to see there, who knows. Perhaps, it was the last lover that had jilted her.

Then she looked back towards the cliff, took the key in her left hand, and examined it in her palm. Then, she rose her hand up and back and thrust it forward, releasing the key to the abyss.

NEVER AGAIN, she let echo through her mind over and over...

If only it were that easy to not fall in love, I would be glad for it, she thought. Sadly it does not, and she sighed, turned on her side, curled up into a fetal-like position, and hugged her pillow tight to the side of her head. After a while she passed into sleep, trying not to think anymore on the subject. At least sleep, shall give me refuge...because in dreams, no one can hurt me like this....